Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Often.. or rather shuld i say it as..
In the past.
Emo = Ee hua.
My life was used to be covered by dark clouds.
Living in darkness.
smiles r the most rare thing to be seen from me.
a sad, dao, angry face is rather common.
since i guess from the age of 11 onwards?
life was rather dull for me.
first arguement with frenz changed me.
somehow. i doesnt like to talk anymore.
whether or not, is it frenz issue which changed me or puberty. i'm not sure.
But i changed.
as compared to childhood time.
when young, n i mean real young.
i'm rather talkative n playful.
always running abt for fun.
always chattering rubbish shits.
however, as the age increases.
i changed.
i dun like to talk. just wan to listen.
i dun wan to run abt. let me stay.
sec sch day changed me too.
for the better i guess.
slightly more decisive, outgoing.
more smiles with my babes.
silly moments we had.
bonds we built.
we're still creating such moments, building such bonds.
meanwhile, i too.. wonder wats life like if i'm attached.
all the while, i wonder.
frenz know, family knows.
crushing on guys from sec sch all the way to now.
n finally...
i got one.
tt changed me too.
i devoted all my time n moments to him.
neglected my babes, family, sch.
its all abt him.
rather foolish hur.
n real foolish enuff, it ended rather fast.
tt sudden end, changed me drastically.
for the first time, i teared infront of family, frenz.
heart broken in million pieces.
i was much more emo than before.
seeing me = seeing darkness.
something like tt.
those days, i felt like..
the whole world crashed on me.
for mths, i refuse to get over things n 'indulge' myself in the worst situation.
moaning over it.
falling deeper n deeper into the pit.
i cant remember wat happened tt i start to get out of the pit.
perhaps, its just time.
gradually.. things change again.
not tt i let go.
nor did i forget.
its just..... ignorance.
i got used to being alone again, flirting with ppl.
dating girls or guys out again.
adjusted to my life.
made myself happier than b4.
devote my time to frenz n family.
despite tt i'm still looking for a r/s. i wasnt really into any guys tt i flirt with.
i was just.. having fun, i'll say.
life was really great tt few mths.
feb 2008 to august 2008.
my smiles were rather real n happy during those times.
i was rather, for the first time. being real happy alone.
things changed after aug.
some flings got rather serious.
feelings developed.
n...
here comes the thunderstorm ride again.
after floating on the lovely ocean with beautiful sunsets,
i got myself involved in a storm.
i was drenched.
i lost 'my boat'
i'm now floating ard in the ocean.
lost.
sunsets seems rather dull to me now.
tts my life now.
tts how i feel now.
lost.. monotonous lifestyle.
n needless to say.
the smile is once again gone.
i will say..
i dun feel sad now.
but. neither do i feel happy.
its just tt..
living days as it goes.
last time..
i feel uneasy when my hp aint ringing at all.
i feel uneasy if i'm not smsing anyone.
now..
i hope my hp nvr ring.
last time.
i'm so stuck up to my internet/msn.
now.
after checking the usual stuffs.
i'll just offline n slp.
wat i love to do most now.
SLEEP.
haha...
i love the night..
day time seems soo long n draggy n painful to me.
i learnt to realise tt..
to forget someone is rather impossible.
especially someone whom u're once close with.
u'll nvr forget tt person.
times u tot tt u forgot, r actually moments of ignorance.
i nvr forget.
be it ray, be it dumbdumb.
i nvr.
i just ignored.
some might say. isnt tt escaping from reality.
i cant be bothered.
tis is just me yeah.
i'm getting weaker.
times when i dun wan to face anything.
i ignored.
times when i get too tired from everything
i slept.
growing up is painful.
